There are nothing wrong with BMW cars. In fact there’s a lot that’s right about them. They drive like no other car. I don’t know how those clever engineers in Munich do it but the way they engineer a car is like nothing else in the world. The gravitas of the BMW badge is hard to ignore as well. Everyone knows what a BMW is just as everyone knows who Jesus is. Even if you have no interest in cars, BMWs are just one of those recognisable brands and secretly we all want one.
But the reason why not all of us buy one is because of the biggest problem with BMWs; their drivers. Sane people just don’t want to be associated with BMW drivers. Okay, not all BMW drivers fall into the stereotype but next time you go out for a drive and someone cuts you off or drives like they own the road, chances are they’re in a BMW. I never really understood why that was. Maybe it’s because they’re annoyed that nearly every second person on the road hate their guts. Or because the exclusive club of being a BMW driver is now as exclusive as having hair. But it’s not that. No, as I found out while driving a 2005 BMW 330i, it’s something to do with seeing the spinning rotor on a steering wheel that makes you feel like a winner. It makes you feel like it is your birthright to cut people off and to change lanes without indicating for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Of course there is no need for this and when you ease off the BMWness of the experience and drive like a normal person, you can savour driving the ultimate driving machine.
Ah, yes so that brings me on to the 330i. Now I’d driven a E46 320i many many years ago in the snow and I damn nearly crashed it. So would this newer, more powerful 330i be just as fun? Erm, well no. Not exactly. Yes the driving position is great. You sit low, you sit far back and everything you touch makes you think you’re in a sports car. But you’re not. You’re in a four door saloon that looks like a Mazda and drives with the verve of a church.
The engine is great. It’s a 3.0 straight six VAMOS unit with 230 bhp. It’s the same engine you get in the Z4 3.0i. I bet in the Z4 it’d be a perfect mix. In the 3-Series it felt like it was wasted. The steering was good. It gave good feedback and the suspension was never too hard. The run flat tyres made too much noise though and didn’t cope well with the broken roads in Christchurch. For the ‘ultimate driving machine’ the E90 felt awfully ordinary. It never felt alive. It was very serious, very businessy. It felt typically German.
Inside, it’s pretty much that as well. The red dials were pretty much the only things that had colour in the cabin. Seriously, I’ve never been in an interior that was so drab and dark. I’ve been in caves that were more homely than the interior of the 3-Series. I just couldn’t see why anyone would pick one over the much more interesting but flawed Alfa 159 or even the gorgeous Lexus IS. Back in 2006/7, Mercedes had just launched the W203 C-Class and while the interior in that is no more colourful, at least that had an interesting screen.
So next time you see someone in an E90 driving angrily, give them space. They’re only angry because they’ve bought a car that was meant to be the ultimate driving machine but is not even close to that. Just pull up next to them in a Mercedes or Alfa and give them a friendly smile.
Verdict: 7/10
Pros: engine, rear wheel drive, sporty drive
Cons: dull styling, bland interior, harsh ride and too common.
Revved Up 